So today was pretty fun. First I went ice skating with my friends at the Embarcadero ice skating rink and then to Boudins to eat dinner. We took many pictures along the way and I got to talk to them about some deep stuff. It was pretty fun and relaxing I guess. I haven't stayed out so late in a while and I probably won't do it again till I finish some homework.
Hmm so I've been thinking lately, maybe I should've applied to Columbia. I regret not even trying...and I really want to go. I guess maybe it's not part of God's plan for me to go.
Anyways time to reflect. If I start just rambling, I'm sorry this is just how I blog. So facebook is my new addiction although I'm trying not to always check it. It's kind of hard with all the updates that they send me via email. So I was just thinking a lot today and yesterday since it was raining....been listening to that song by Rihanna, you know the one that goes " I hate that I love you..." yes that one. I really do, it really annoy me how much time I've devoted to thinking about you and pondering about whether or not I should give it a try. There's just so many sides to the situation and most of the time I don't even think of the negative things that could happen. I don't know....hopefully it'll go away soon....very soon.
Next thing, so Tiffany was at my house till 10 waiting for Nathan to pick her up and we were just looking at our Genesis picture that was taken ages ago and we were reflecting about how much people have changed and how much we've all grown, both psychically and spiritually and it made me really sad knowing that we'll all be going to college soon and leave. Yeah too many memories rushing back.
Then I was reflecting on myself and how my senior year is going...to be honest I know I could do better I just don't know why I'm not pushing myself hard enough. I feel as though I'm going to be the failure in the family because my grades aren't as good as they can be. They are not 4.0s anymore and nowhere comparable to the grades of fellow classmates and my sister. Ahh I just hate myself, hate always being compared to and not living up the standards that I've set for myself and the standards that are expected of me. Not only do I want to please my parents but I want to make them proud of me. I want them to say that yes this is my daughter, she doesn't get 4.0s but she is a great daughter and we love her.
Honestly its not nice to have arrogant people surrounding you and making you feel bad about how you do in school. I disapprove of people flaunting around their GPAs and making others feel bad. Why do I have this feeling that I'm never going to be good enough....