So school has been craziness, and literally dramatized from Monday. Yeah I understand teenagers are suppose to go through problems and issues that are troublesome and painful but this week was really overwhelming. Sad thing is that it's not happening to me, it's happening around me, to my friends, to people that I care about the most and the thing is I can't do much about it. The situation is out of my hands because number one it's my problem to be involved with in the first place therefore I cannot just place myself in their situation and tell them what to do and then secondly I don't really know what to do...
I don't know, I didn't realize that it can be so hard...I mean being apart of something great is wonderful, being apart of student government is awesome but sometimes I think being a christian gives it a whole new meaning to me. A little while ago, a fellow officer asked me if there was a purpose like a christian purpose to being on the class board as an officer and at first I told her not really because it's not like I can go around spreading my religion and forcing it on people just people I have a little authority over the student body, however I can set examples for my fellow classmates by the way I act.
Which brings me to my next point. The fact that yes I am a little shy and quiet sometimes and I don't gossip and I don't do certain things to people really sets me apart for what I can and cannot do for the class. Sacrifice is a huge issue here because being that most of my time is already dedicated to school, this is just extra work, out of my own time outside of school, time that I could spend doing leisurely activities.
Which really wants me to clear up a myth/rumor in school. We officers in student government work extremely hard to plan events and to show up and volunteer for these events free of charge and with no excuse. It is out duty to work together and cooperate in order to successfully make money for our class. So what I'm trying to say is that whenever somebody tells me that we're not doing much or that we don't exactly spend mods 14,15 doing work, it's a complete myth. Sure there are days when we truly have nothing to talk about and nothing to plan out but we deserve these breaks in our daily lives.
My life is so centered around school, I don't really know what to do if there was no school...
It's like everything to me and at the moment, it's also the one thing that is getting me really stressed-out. How do you determine between religion and school...

I don't know if I made any points here, this is more of just a personal thought/journal entry to myself just to let things out...was trying to call people today to talk but I feel that sometimes my problems are so insignificant compared to theirs, so why bother and sometimes people have their own lives, where is that one person who I can call up anytime and let go of everything.

I think I know who *

So pretty soon, Lowell is going to have it's first Darfur Week, which is an awareness campaign to educate the school and the community about the genocide that is going on in Darfur, Sudan. Now I was given a preview/background information about the situation in Darfur during my leadership class since our community liason Diane Suen is putting this event together for us, she gave us a very good presentation. During the presentation, which happened to be on Ash Wednesday, I was in the mindset of knowing how blessed I was and just preparing myself for this season to reflect on what Jesus has done for me.
So during this presentation, I witnessed things I never thought would happen in my lifetime. Events that seemed to occur only in history seem to reappear in modern times and it was scary. Pictures of malnutrient children and mass displacement of thousands of people touched me in a way that just makes you cry. I think even though I know how blessed I am sometimes there are still things that are just unbelievable, I could've been born in Sudan and facing genocide yet God created me here and he placed my life in good hands, raising me up with decent people around me and placing me in a good family with adequate lifestyles. I mean I could be homeless for all I know or living in poverty or suffering with disease but no, I am not, and there is much to be appreciated and thankful for.
Just thinking all this, wars and genocide made me think about a very special friend. Someone whom I miss very much and haven't spoken to since December? well he's going off the Marines and in a way I just can't let him go...Though we haven't really talked in almost a year maybe more, there was never a day where he wasn't apart of me, wasn't a day where he never crossed my mind and it just makes me terribly sad at the thought of losing him and communication with him for years....
I can see myself after college, still thinking about this, still pondering and regretting the fact that I didn't take the initiative to make contact so I can at least know that I can still try to communicate with him somehow...I don't know I'm really sad and I can't do anything.
Even though the situation is out of my hands, I do pray, I pray that he will stay safe and out of harm's way and just know that I really do miss him and I'm sorry.

only 9 minutes till 7:00 i didn't think it was going to be this hard....what if I need homework help, well yes there is the option of talking on the phone but typing is so much faster and you can multitask whereas talking on the phone requires an entire hand...anyways if that made any sense...okay back to homework and tonight BIBLE STUDY!!!!! I'm back on track!!!!

So for Lent I am giving up my time on the internet from 7:00-9:00

The longest survey you'll ever fill out! Do the world a favor: fill it out and post it for all your friends.... Do this because the person who did this didn't sit here for ages for nothing. Answer all the questions honestly, no lying to avoid stuff.

Shoe size: depends on what kinds of shoes 4 - 5 1/2 sometimes

Height:5'0" or 5'1"

What are you wearing right now? jeans and sweater

Righty or lefty: righty

Can you make a dollar in change right now? no

Best place to go for a date? walk along the pier, beach, stroll through the park, coffee/breakfast at a tiny cafe, museums
_____________________________
FAVORITES
Kind of pants: sweats

Number: I don't know

Animal: dogs

Favorite Drink: Thai tea tapioca, nai cha, tea, pomegranate juice
Month: Hmm depends

Juice: Pomegranate

Favorite cartoon: don't watch tv that much
___________________________
Have You Ever...

Given anyone a bath: nope

Bungee Jumped? nope

Made yourself throw-up? nope

Gone skinny dipping? nope

Eaten a dog? nope

Loved someone so much it made you cry? yes...

Played truth or dare? Yes

Came close to dying? nope

Ran away? nope

Broken someone's heart? don't think so

Cried when someone died? yes

Fallen off your chair? yes unintentially of course

Sat by the phone all night waiting for someone to call? yes

Saved AIM conversations? Yes

Saved e-mails? Yes

Made out with JUST a friend? no

Ever used someone? nope

Been cheated on? nope
___________________________
What is...

Your good luck charm? my star necklace, although it's not really a good luck charm, it always calms me down whenever I have it in my hand.

Fav. song? this is hard, considering I love music so much.

What is beside you? my bed

What kind of shampoo/conditioner do you use? Head and Shoulders
___________________________
Ever Had..

Chicken pox: nope

Sore Throat: yes

Stitches: nope

Broken a bone? nope
--------------------------------------------------------------------
Do You...

Believe in love at first sight? I don't know...

Believe in Long distance relationships? again I wouldn't know

Who was the last person that called you? my friend

Who was the last person you slow danced with? hmm my friend at Winterball

Who makes you smile the most? hmm Myrtle

Who knows you the best? God
____________________________
Do you like filling these out?: hmm takes me off of homework

Do you wear contact lenses or glasses?: yes glasses

Do you like yourself? I am satisfied I guess you can say, but no one is perfect.

Do you get along with your family? yes

Are You...

Obsessive Compulsive? hmm sometimes, especially with organizing and keeping things neat.

Suicidal? no
____________________________
Final Questions:
What did you do yesterday? Visitor's Services Training at the Asian Art Museum

Hated someone in your family? no

Gotten any awards? hmm not notable ones

What car/truck do you want to have? don't drive yet

Where do you want to get married? hmm outdoors : )

Good driver? again I can't drive yet

Good Singer? you can be the judge

Have a lava lamp? yes I do actually

How many remote controls are in your house? 6

What was your last dream about? Hmm personal things....

When did you last showered? this morning

Scary or Funny Movies? Funny

Chocolate or Vanilla? depends on my mood

Root beer or Dr. Pepper? Dr. Pepper

Water skiing or wake boarding? I wouldn't know.

Summer or winter? hmm depends on what I'm doing during that time.

Silver or Gold? white gold

Diamond or pearl? Diamond

Sprite or 7up? Sprite

Coffee or sweet tea? tea definately

Phone or in person? In person

Today did you...
1. Talk to someone you liked: no
2. Buy something: yes
3. Get sick?: no
4. Talked to an ex?: i said hi
5. Miss someone?: yes
Last person who....
10. Slept in your bed?: me
11. Saw/heard you cry?: hmm parents
12. Made you cry? (personal)
13. Went to the movies with?: Rayson, Gordon, Alex, his brother, and Jessica to watch Pursuit of Happiness
15. Said "I Love You"?: Myrtle
16. Ever been in a fight with your pet? I don't have a pet
17. Last Hug? friday
18. Been to Mexico? no
19. Been to Canada? nope
Random.....
22. What book are you reading now? Wicked
23. Best feeling in the world? Loved by God
24. Future kids' names? haven't thought about it
25. Do you sleep with a stuffed animal? not technically but there are placed next to my bed.
26. Whats under your bed? the carpet
27. Favorite sports to watch? tennis
28. Favorite Location? depends on my mood. sometimes on my bed, sometimes outside
29. Piercings/Tattoos? my ears
30. What are you most scared of right now? losing people
31. Who do you really hate? no one
32. Do you have a job? volunteer job
33. Have you ever liked someone you didn't have a chance with? hmm I don't know
34. Are you lonely right now? depends on the definition of lonely
38. Song that's stuck in your head right now? I Could Sing of Your Love Forever
39. Have you ever played strip poker? no though I was asked once to play
42. Have you ever been on radio/TV?: nope
43. Have you ever been in a "mosh-pit"? nope
44. Ever liked someone, but thought they never noticed you? yeah
Random...
Whats the first things you notice about the opposite sex (visual/physical)? hmm I look for personalities.
Are you too shy to ask someone out? yeah probably though I've never had to do so.
Butter, Plain or Salted popcorn? uhh butter
Dogs or Cats? dogs
Favorite Flower? Anything that's really nice
Have you ever fired a gun? no
Do you like to travel by plane as opposed to car? depends on my destination
How many pillows do you sleep with? Just one

wow what a long pointless survey

Can you tell which fingers are mine?

Hmm I guess :

This month's memory verse :

Philippians 2: 14-16
14Do everything without complaining or arguing, 15so that you may become blameless and pure, children of God without fault in a crooked and depraved generation, in which you shine like stars in the universe 16as you hold out[c] the word of life—in order that I may boast on the day of Christ that I did not run or labor for nothing.

Today we learned about the Parable of the Talents
Matthew 25: 14-30

Things to share:
1) We each have opportunities to use the "talents" that God has given us
2) Jesus recognizes that life is unfair, some people have more than others but it's how we use what we have that matters.
3) We should do it now rather than wait till later because in the case of our lives, we don't know when Jesus is coming back for Judgement Day.
4) God only gives us what we can handle.

So today, I was just looking back at my previous posts over the years and I've realized that I've changed a lot...not only emotionally but also spiritually I've changed a lot. Growing up can be so scary sometimes yet I love it. Being able to make decisions on my own, knowing the consequences and the good that could come out from it.
Anyways today is Diane's All-City Orchestra concert and originally I wasn't planning to go because I would rather stay home and rest while I can, but I'll go to support her. As far as homework goes, I've finished math, some of APES, and that's it. I've touched upon U.S. History and English but that's about it. I started looking at colleges again today and after thinking about it for a long time I wasn't so quite sure of what I want to do anymore...
I remember for the longest time, I've always had a plan for my future, for college and etc. Now I'm contemplated the fact that I need to rely on God for everything even the future and not just for things that are bothering me now.
Though somewhat disappointed because it's always been part of my dreams, I know, I trust in God to provide me with things that are beyond what I am imagining for myself at the moment.
hmm so yeah that's it and ohh I don't have pictures of the heart I made because I left it at school but once I get it back I'll post it up here.

Hmm so for Valentine's Day I have to auction myself off for a date...It's a fundraiser at school and yes I am basically selling myself for someone to be able to "date me" for one day. UNfortunately as much as I don't want to do this, I must. Good thing I have friends who are willing to big early and so I avoid having to ask random strangers to "buy me" I'll post up a picture of my heart tomorrow as well as the results. It's kind of interesting the things we do/sacrifice for our class just to earn some money...this is way extreme, I don't mind giving up Saturdays for car washes or going to food nights but this is really different...yep that's it : )

I'm going to watch this tomorrow:

For more info you can visit:

MICHAEL BUBLE

"Feeling Good"

Birds flying high
You know how I feel
Sun in the sky
You know how I feel
Breeze driftin' on by
You know how I feel
It's a new dawn
It's a new day
It's a new life
For me
And I'm feeling good

Fish in the sea
You know how I feel
River running free
You know how I feel
Blossom on a tree
You know how I feel
It's a new dawn
It's a new day
It's a new life
For me
And I'm feeling good

Dragonfly out in the sun you know what I mean, don't you know
Butterflies all havin' fun you know what I mean
Sleep in peace when day is done
That's what I mean
And this old world is a new world
And a bold world
For me

Stars when you shine
You know how I feel
Scent of the pine
You know how I feel
Oh freedom is mine
And I know how I feel
It's a new dawn
It's a new day
It's a new life
For me

And I'm feeling good