Wishing that I could go to sleep, but all this homework and nai cha (milk tea) is keeping me awake!

He told you he could be the man that I could never be
He has a way at making promises that he can't keep
He gets so angry when I try to point this out
And still it's you who's always calling me this late at night
I know you miss the way I used to hold your body tight
You needed me girl but you never say it

If you love him more just tell me so (tell me so)
But do one thing for me before you go

Open your eyes
Girl if it's love
Why can't you sleep at night
Open your eyes
Why don't you tremble when he holds you tight
If it's the last thing that I ever do
Let me make this clear to you
Open up your eyes
Don't be blinded by his promises
Open your eyes
The one he says isn't who he is
There's more to us than you realize
So open your eyes

I know our history is something that we can't ignore
Just give me half the chance I'll make it better than before
Worse thing I did was give you wings to fly away
And if it's yesterday that keeps your heart from coming home
Girl I apologize for all the things that I've done wrong
To lose your love would be the price too high to pay

He can't love you more than I do
Girl don't let his sweet lies blind you

Open your eyes
Girl if it's love
Why can't you sleep at night
Open your eyes
Why don't you tremble when he holds you tight
If it's the last thing that I ever do
Let me make this clear to you
Open up your eyes
Don't be blinded by his promises
Open your eyes
The one he says isn't who he is
There's more to us than you realize
Just open your eyes

Oh no
Every night
I stay alone and pray that you
Wake up and find
My love is waiting here

Open your eyes
Yeah baby
If it's the last thing that I ever do
Let me make this clear to you
Open up your eyes
Don't be blinded by his promises
Open your eyes
The one he says isn't who he is
There's more to us than you realize
Open your eyes
Oh, open your eyes
Just open your eyes

okay my computer crashed...I lost everything...yet I don't feel like I've lost much except for pictures and documents...especially those for school. Good thing the semester just ended or else, I would've had to do all the work over again. I'm kind of upset that I lost all my art history stuff even though I know it's online...It's not the same. Anyways I'm just about done installing everything so it's all good. Today Cindy and Bailey came over to watch X-Men 3, but we were suppose to play tennis except it started to sprinkle so we didn't although it would've been nice to play.
TOGA TOGA was last night, I had so much fun seriously it was a nice break after finals : ) I don't have any pictures but I'm sure Jojo took some amazing ones btw she was voted to have the best TOGA !!! Congrats!

Just got to add in a Thank You to God for keeping me safe last night during the dance, many things could've happened but it didn't and it's all because of Him : ) so yes It's really good to so in love with God.

Let Me Words Be Few

You are God in heaven
And here am I on earth
So I'll let my words be few
Jesus, I am so in love with You

And I'll stand in awe of You, Jesus
Yes, I'll stand in awe of You
And I'll let my words be few
Jesus, I am so in love with You

The simplest of all love songs
I want to bring to You
So I'll let my words be few
Jesus, I am so in love with You

ahh

okay one more to go!!!

New glasses coming in 7-10 days

James 1:22-25 (New International Version)

22Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says. 23Anyone who listens to the word but does not do what it says is like a man who looks at his face in a mirror 24and, after looking at himself, goes away and immediately forgets what he looks like. 25But the man who looks intently into the perfect law that gives freedom, and continues to do this, not forgetting what he has heard, but doing it—he will be blessed in what he does.

Where Do I Go From Here?
Sebastian Mego

Ohhhh
Where do I go
Every direction seems to be against the flo'
And who will I be
What does it mean to just be me

So tired of having to choose
Where I'll be and what I'm gonna do

Lost in confusion I feel like I'm losin it all
Where do I go from here
With all this confusion now who's gonna break my fall
There's no one left to call
Nothing is clear
Where do I go from here....mmmm ooooh

Did I let u down
My good intentions never seem to come around
And I have to believe
oooh
That there's an answer I can see

So tired of having to choose
Where I'll be and what I'm gonna do

Lost in confusion I feel like I'm losin it all
Where do I go from here
With all this confusion now who's gonna break my fall
There's no one left to call
Nothing is clear
Where do I go from here

oooh
I can't tell what's up or down my head's spinning all the time
Every time I turn around there's another useless sign
I wanna know but I don't know which way I'm gonna go

Where will I go...yeeaaaah
oooooh
Which way will it go
ooooooh

Lost in confusion I feel like I'm losin it all
Where do I go from here (Where will I go from here)
With all this confusion now who's gonna break my fall
There's no one left to call (There's no one left to call) yeeeah
Lost in confusion I feel like I'm losin it all
Where do I go from here... yeeeah

Nothing is clear
Where do I go from here
Where do I go
Tell me where do I go...

Lets see two schedules to post up:

Finals Week:
Monday-Italian
Tuesday- APES, U.S. History, and AP Art History
Wednesday- Adv. Algebra

Then my new semester:
4,5 APES - Melvin
6,7 The Novel - Drain
9,10 U.S. History - Slavicek
11,12 Ap Ark History - Pollak
14,15 Leadership
16,17 Italian 4 - Branzburg
19,20 Adv Algebra - Gribler

not too bad I think...some good some bad...it'll all work out.

wow, it's around 5:30, woke up, took a shower, and now I'm typing this post. Still a little tired but only three days of school this week with self-scheduling on friday. However I'm probably helping out during self-scheduling so that means I have to stay the whole time...oh well. Had a pretty crazy dream last night, weird...okay I'm going to get ready for school! Have a great day everyone!

Memory verse:
Philippians 4:6-7
6Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

The end of the semester feels like the new year to me...unfortunately when everything starts to hit you and nothing can stop the roll of things...well three day weekends are suppose to be great but when you've got huge amounts of homework to complete, it is no fun.. I want my winter break...I want a break any break, I need time for myself away from school, away from always having to work so hard yet the results aren't even pretty...I want that A but it seems I'll never achieve it with the way that things are going... A teacher once told me that sleep deprivation causes depression and maybe that's what happening to me...I'm depressed? I don't know I just know that I am very upset at myself and very unsatisified with the way things have gone recently. Once you think you've completed an assignment, the next day, you're hit with more work to complete...just too complicated and too much...maybe it's just me...how come other people can do it? why am I so stressed out about this!!!

TOGA TOGA is coming up after finals but I have a feeling that if I don't do well on my finals I'm not going to have a good time...Self-scheduling is coming up, don't know who I'm going to get for all my classes but I pick fourth to last so I guess it's whoever that remains.

Last few things:
08' t-shirts are on sale for $11(they are being passed out ASAP-thank you for being patient)
TOGA TOGA tickets are on sale -$15 w/SAC $17 W/out SAC and $20 for guests
(prices will go up $1 after the 22nd)
Pasta Pomodoro Night coming up soon!!

Beyond simply...

My dreams/goals:
1) to attend one of the following:
Columbia University
University of Oregon
University of British Columbia
2) to live a life for God, fully underestanding His word and His plans for me
3) to travel outside this country for long periods of time
4) to always be optimistic and seldom pessimistic
5) to encourage others to follow God
6) (there's more, just got to think...)

Okay I got to finish homework first but I'll come back later.

so unhealthy...

Ahh It's almost 10 PM, yes I said PM and tomorrow is school...hmm well today I went the first Sunday of the new year and the first real "class" I've been to since I don't even remember when. So one thing that I haven't actually thought about is New Years resolutions. But before I go into that I guess I should really reflect on the things that I have to be thankful for in the past year. I'm definitely thankful for God always watching over me and my family although there have been many many times where we have turned away from Him, He has watched over me when my grandma passed away and He has watched over me when temptation was creeping up on me. He's just so awesome and so powerful and sometimes we just really need to Stop and Think about what we do and think about how God needs to be incorporated into all our actions. Then the second thing that I'm most thankful for are my friends, especially my church friends because although I only get to see them once a week and I rarely get to talk to them during the week because I stress over homework and school, they've been pretty supportive and caring about me. I guess over these six years I still feel sometimes insecure about sharing with them things that have been going on in my life, but they have never been the ones to judge me but they only give me the support that I really need at the moment, even at times when all I want to do is be alone, they let me be alone, no questions asked, and I can see why our friendship has been the best, and I hope that it would grow more this year with Christ in our hearts and a love for one another. It's just going to be a good year I hope.

One thing I shared today when we were asked what we look forward to in the new year, I said the times after finals, spring break, and well summer and yeah I would really love for it to be those times, but they're not going to come for a while and it's understandable, I just have to continue to work hard at what I do, and not let stress or temptations get in the way, especially if God is really in my heart and I love Him so much. I really do, I just wish there was some way that I could show it better. TO people that I care about.

Alrighty time for bed. Good Night : )

well it's like around 11 now and I woke up an hour ago, ate breakfast, and watched a little tv before beginning homework for today. I'm a little disorganized right now but that's okay considering that I dumped all my books and stuff in my room and haven't touched it since yesterday. Anyways this weekend isn't that bombarded with "that" much homework but still, it's a neverending schedule... I've got to visit a museum soon...maybe today? I don't know yet, we'll see. Okay I'll write more later

Spring Musical : Miss Saigon

To audition for a dance part or no???

hmm Miss Saigon - Sun and Moon

Some interesting things have happened this week so far and it's feels like school isn't so safe anymore... During the past three I witnessed three events which have put a scared on students around Lowell. But I don't know...feels scary to be in school even though it's suppose to be safe. Anyways I've been looking into colleges lately and yeah well feels like I'm getting older and I'm "growing up" or am I? Seems like there are times when homework and studying seem like a chore rather than something that I'd just automatically do. There are days where I would sit down and work on homework and study for hours with no trouble and then there are days where I just want to sit and do nothing.
Anyways back to the colleges, I really don't know where I want to go, but most of the colleges/universities that I've looked into are in the east which = very EXPENSIVE. With the way my grades are going I'm not sure I'd be able to go where I want to but I also know that wherever I go, it was God's choice to put me there.
Lets see what I'm doing: I'm drinking juice after dinner, listening to music, and checking if I have any more homework that needs to be completed.

SO yeah a few posts ago I mentioned TOGA TOGA!!! which is a junior class sponsored dance and well I'm very excited to go but I'm going in debt with the amount of money that I'm spending this year. It's outrageous. Luckily I have fee waivers for the SATs already but that doesn't APs or junior prom or any other fundraising event that the junior class holds. Kind of frustrating because I feel so bad having to ask my parents for money each and every time but if I don't, then it's like I'm not supporting my class...is that right? I don't know...I really like being on the board, it feels really cool to be apart of a council of leaders I guess you can call it and be able to represent the entire class, it's also nice to talk to everyone about things objectively to everyone in order to get an opinion/decision made about something. I have to admit, the board does gossip a lot and it's really hard to ignore it, but it is inevitable. Anyways I have already thought up a campaign that I'm totally excited about and I can't wait to actually make the posters and everything : ) it'll be fun and better than doing homework. Hopefully the designs will turn out the way I want them to be but if not, then it wasn't meant to be.

so yeah another long post but there will be many many more to come. I want to start of this year with good positive feelings and open up even though sometimes it may be hard to open up, I can at least write it down some where.

Bye Bye for now

"The Rest Of My Life"

It's 3 in the morning
I can't be dreaming
I'm wide awake
watching you sleeping
and I realize
there's no place
that I'd rather be

I reach out to touch you
my heart starts to race
at the touch of your skin
there ain't no mistake and I'm lost in your eyes
I see all that I need to see

[hook:]
I'm feeling new things everytime that I hold you
I'm telling you things
I would never have told you
I'm feeling my feet coming off
off the ground
I wasn't looking
But look what I found
I wasn't so sure at the start
Now I wanna be there wherever you are
and I can't deny
How you got me feeling inside

[chorus:]
If you think this is
as good as it gets
I swear you haven't seen nothing yet
I promise you I'm
gonna love you
the rest of my life
My life

You turned a kiss when
no one could find the taste of your lips
I get so excited
I'm losing my mind
The way that
it's supposed to be
mmmmmmm
Everything that we do
Is a thing worth repeating
I only think of you
When my heart is beating

[hook:]
I'm feeling my feet coming off
off the ground
I wasn't looking
But look what I found
I wasn't so sure at the start
Now I wanna be there wherever you are
and I can't deny
How you got me feeling inside

[chorus:]
If you think this is
as good as it gets
I swear you haven't seen nothing yet
I promise you I'm
gonna love you
the rest of my life

[bridge:]
You cannot show
through the pain
I didn't know what I wanted
Thank you for changing my life

I wasn't so sure at the start
Now I wanna be there wherever you are
and I can't deny
How you got me feeling inside

[chorus:]
If you think this is
as good as it gets
I swear you haven't seen nothing yet
I promise you I'm
gonna love you
the rest of my life
My life

It's 3 in the morning
I can't be dreaming
I'm wide awake
watching you sleeping
and I realize
there's no place
that I'd rather be

Today's homework is as listed below:

6,7 APES- Read chapter 12 - Protecting Food Resources: Pesticides and Pest Control.
Field Study Project-more data, and water worksheet.
9,10 U.S. History - Extra Credit work watch an American History movie and write up a summary + what I learned from the movie, the importance of the even to American History. Bring book to class tomorrow.
11,12 AP Art History - Keep reviewing Romanesque art and Islamic art. Bring art cards to school tomorrow.
14,15 ESCAPE TOGA TOGA!!!
The Canvas on 9th and Lincoln
Thursday, January 25th ( Friday no school )
16,17 - Italian 3 a descriptive paragraph of myself when I was young.
19,20 - due all on the day of finals: 6.11 # 1-19 odds, 6.12 # 1-15 oddds, 6.14 #1-19, 10.2 examples #1-5, 10.3 examples #1-5, and 10.4 examples #1-3


WOW

Well it's Tuesday and the first day back at school after winter break. Time to reflect. Well in a way it's kind of good to be back at school even though all I do is work and more work and well work. But that's okay I guess for now, it's what I should be focused on, it's my job. However, winter break wasn't exactly fun, too much going on, especially the amounts of homework that I did not want to do. The new year rolled in like an unexpected rainstorm. I didn't feel any different after the clock stroke twelve, maybe I'm just weird as my friend Gordon says but honestly I'm suppose to feel grown up, I'll be turning 17 year old this year. 17...That's getting old...and to be honest I am scared...Looking at colleges and finding out about undergraduate and graduate schools, it's a little too much all while trying to handle the current bundles of homework and juggling school activities along with all the SATs and ACTs that must be completed before the school year ends.

I guess that's just high school. Somehow we all live through it and we all get through. There's no way of avoiding it, no matter how big the load, it must be done. Luckily I have friends who support and encourage me all the way through but most importantly I have God in my life and though in the past month of two I haven't been honest with Him or even letting him into my life, I feel that I owe my life to Him in every way possible. It was very easy not going to church and spending Sundays staying at home and doing homework but in the back of my mind, I have made a commitment that cannot be broken no matter what. The feeling of disappointment in my from not attending church was nonexistent at first but it did come back, and it came back when I least expected it to, when I felt that everyone had given up on me and when I had given up on myself and of any hope left. I suppose God didn't want to give up on me just yet and I'm grateful for the second chance that I've recieved but I just have to ask what if...what if I never went back...what if I just completely fell out of the circuit for God...What would've happened to me?

Okay that was a long and deep post but it's something I haven't done in a while. It's totally not about me, everything is about God, everything I do reflects him, all the time I spend doing homework, and the moments dedicated to worshipping Him, ot's pure love and although it's not physical, it's enough. Just thinking about my personal relationships with people this year makes me wonder hard about God's plans for me, why so many of them have failed and yet everytime I have learned something, something about temptation and something about love itself but mostly it revealed to me who God really was and what he was trying to teach me.

Okay time to go back to homework... : )