I finally transferred into a new schedule of classes. Man I thought it was a good thing too until my peers starting questioning me about it. Hmm anyways I've finally started working on a portfolio of writing that I might want to submit into SOTA if I plan on applying there. The story is called Life through a Notebook and it's part autobiographical and fiction. So I hope that I can finish it soon and revise it. Hmm that's about it.
~Bye Bye~

Hmm... Nothing to write about now but school is okay now I guess. I know that I'll be getting good grades on this coming report card but somehow I am always doing something now. Like I am never free to do anything on my own and everything is under a schedule. I had once said that I just want things to happen on it's own without a schedule and that is pretty hard to avoid because without a schedule I would be a mess although I do pretty good without one. I just feel more comfortable knowing what I will be doing rather than not knowing but I kind of don't want to know. It may be really confusing but there's just so many feelings right now all confused inside me and I don't know what to do except to follow this schedule and hide from all these feelings but they get worse every time I hide from them because they might just jump out one day and who knows what will happen. I've been trying to figure out what to write for a contest held by Scholastics and maybe I should write about this. How I wish that the world could be free. I mean really free. Without knowing any imperfections like how Adam and Eve were before they ate from the Tree of Knowledge. They didn't know enough to judge but people now know too much to judge everyone and everything. I hope that I could finish writing this piece because then on I could go beyond a simple story and write a real hundred and something page story of myself but that is now only a goal. Oh well I'm working on it though.
~Bye Bye~

"......But our love is like the wind. I can't see it....but I can feel it."

Ahh............I don't know what to do anymore. Everything is falling apart. I never knew that I would come to one day where I would be like this. I am so sad and just depressed and I feel so empty. Like the world is going the opposite way but only I am noticing it. Sometimes I really wonder what my future would like if I keep on this madness. One day I just hope to be happy. Like truly happy and wonderful. It hard to wonder because there are so many depressed people out there and I happen to be one of them. It hard to think sometimes and everything I do these days is either wrong and they are not the best that I can do. I don't understand myself sometimes but then again I really want to go to someplace where I can be relaxed and happy. The happy that people see of me is so fake. If you really look at the happiness that is really trying to get out, you would be pretty amazed. I just don't really want to think about anything.

My Message in a Bottle
written by Wendy Lee

Dear anonymous,
It has been so long since we have met again.
This is so hard to explain
but someday I will have to.
After all that we have been through
I really wanted you to know that
my life is going to end here.
I have nothing without
your heart, your love,
or anything that was yours.
There is emptiness if
there is no you.
If I had to complete this journey
I will surely fail.
If I were to chase after you
you would never take me back.
If my life was a shooting star
then I would always carry you inside me
but unfortunately you will leave.
For I cannot fill your heart with the happiness
that you deserve and desire.
My heart led me into my home
which left me with nothing.
My riches were you and you alone.
There isn't an hour of my life that I wouldn't think of you
but there also isn't a time
where I wish that you couldn't come back.
because in truth you were my
guiding light and my shining star.
You stood true to your words but the
truth had carried you away.
Your possessions had created a wall between us.
And you cannot help but go back to where you were from
To you I make this vow that I would only come to your
call and no one else. That I would cherish every memory
that I have left in me. That I would always love you and
that you are never far away. That you will always be
in my mind.

For this one person,
I wish you a happy future and a wonderful ending.

I really felt bad today and it wasn't because I had lost my elections but it was because so many people were saying you lost and ha ha and so on. It put me down and I held it under the end the of the day where I just could stand it anymore and I bursted. My teacher was concerned and she knew that my classmate won because it was a popularity contest and it wasn't fair and I guess this was my taste of life in the real world. I had let so many people down. I wanted to run because I wanted to prove that I wasn't nothing but somebody who wants to make a difference. I guess that I proved myself wrong when I had lost. When I found out some of the things my classmate had done to get her votes I was very astonished because none of it were good. She had told people to say certain stuff when people were saying their speeches and I thought she is just going to bring this year down. I know that she is smart and very talented in many ways but if she had to do the things that she did to get people to vote for her then she really isn't the one who should be president. I'm not going to go on forever about this because when the announcement was made I didn't say anything but to congratulate her and everyone else was like are you okay? I know that I am sensitive but things like this are just going to past my mind. I hope that I won't remember this day but the experience was nice. Anyways today was such a horrible day for my teachers to look at me because they knew how hurtful I was but it was like I wanted to finish my work and just don't bring it up. My friends were supported and they wanted me to smile but all that was in my head was that I had let so many people down. I couldn't even prove to the people that said I couldn't do it and I just feel so stupid at this point of life. I don't have anything else to say but I just want to thank God for getting through the whole mess.

Today was perhaps one of the Embarrassing days that has ever happened to me and well since it has happened so often I have learned to dealt with it and I guess once I got over it, it wasn't that bad. Yes there were a lot of boos and other stuff but it didnt stop me from going on and I am so happy about that because at the moment where I was about to collaspe I knew that God was with me. It's one of the things that you cannot explain. It was odd because after I read my speech I felt like I just wante to run away but then again didn't let me. I know that I have lost my school election but It wasn't because people didn't know me but there were certain things said about me and I guess that I didn't know. It came to the point where my classmate who was also a candidate got so carried away with the situation that she started blaming certain people about certain things where as I just tell then that it's okay many people think alike. It's odd because the people who run isn't even who they say they are. I guess many people can trust me to do certain things because of the way I am. Instead they counted on the most unlikely person to doit. I will always know that I am a good person and if other people don't like it then they are missing out on a wonderful friend and caring person. Although I know many people supported me, in the long run, people will always vote for the most popular. So you can say that I'm not popular but I will always be who I am.


Brian McKnight-"The Only One For Me"

la la lla la la la la
la la
la la la la la la
la la lla la la la la
la la
la la la la la la
You say you've seen too many things,
that turn out to be too good to be true.
Against your better judgment, opened up your heart,
'til you found the joke was on you.
Looking out on the rest of our lives,
If we're gonna be together or apart
About the only way I know how to come,
is right straight from my heart.
I want you now,
I'll show you how
I can be the man you need me to be
I've been around,
but now I've found
that you're the only one for me.
Say you'll never fall again
You won't subject yourself to such pain
If you give me half a chance I will
Never leave you standing out in the rain
But if you think that I could look you in your face and lie right
through my teeth
then turn around and walk away
Cross my heart, girl I care for you and when I look into your eyes i
must say...
I need you now
I'll show you how
I can be the man you need me to be
I've been around
but now I've found
that you're the only one for me
I need you so
I can't let go
Gonna be all that I can be
I want you still
I always will
cause you're the only one for me
la la lla la la la la
la la
la la la la la la
la la lla la la la la
la la
la la la la la la
I want you now
I'll show you how
I can be the man you need me to be
I've been around
but now I've found
that you're the only one for me
I need you so
I can't let go
Gonna be all that I can be
I want you still
I always will
cause you're the only one for me

Elections are tomorrow for student body an now that I think of it, I'm really nervous and I have this feeling that I won't win. It's a scary thing. I mean I have said things in front of a big crowd of people and stuff but I don't understand why I am so nervous. I know that I did all my best with the help of family and friends but somehow I feel that it wasn't all that I can do. But besides that I am very thankful for all the people that has helped me and well thank You everyone that had helped me whether it was through prayer or just helping me with my poster and ect. So school has been easier these few days but it was only because I understand what my standards are and I need to reach them.
In my English class today we had a visitor and she was a 18 year old surgeon who was a millionaire. She was a big inspiration to me because she showed me that no matter where I come from or what I do I am able to do it. Whether it is bringing my dreams alive or have a goal accomplished. I'm sure that she has made me a believer. one of the things she wanted us to do was write down 10 of our goals in life. These are the things that I really want happening and hopefully somewhere along the line it does eventually happen.
1)Become a writer
2)Publish books
3)Finish college in a shorter period of time( not four years )
4)Get into a good high school(private or public)
5)Work for a big newspaper (like New York Times)
6)Travel around the world and get paid
7)Travel to outer space without having to go through any training
8)See a million(or more) shooting stars in my lifetime
9)Own the world's biggest collection of books
10)Own my own publishing company.

Hopefully I would get a chance to have all these goals accomplished

1 Corinthians 13:4-13

"Love is patient, love is kind.
It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.
It is not rude, it is not self-seeking,
it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.

Love does not delight evil but rejoices with the truth.
It always protects, always trusts, always
hopes, always perserveres.
Love never fails. But where there are prophecies,
they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled;
where there is knowledge, it will pass away.

For we know in part and we prophesy in part,
but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears.
When I was a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child.
When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me.
Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror;
then we shall see face to face.
Now I know in part; then I shall know fully,
even as I am fully known.
And now these three remain: faith, hope, and love.
But the greatest of these is love."