Torn- Natalie Imbruglia

I thought I saw a man brought to life
He was warm he came around like he was dignified
He showed me what it was to cry
Well you couldn't be that man I adored
You don't seem to know - or seem to care what your heart is for
I don't know him anymore
There's nothin' where he used to lie
My coversation has run dry
That's what's goin' on
Nothing's fine
I'm torn

I'm all out of faith, this is how I feel
I'm cold and I am shamed
Lying naked on the floor
Illusion never changed
Into something real
I'm wide awake and I can see the perfect sky is torn
You're a little late
I'm already torn

So I guess the fortune teller's right
I should have seen just what was there and not some holy light
But you crawled beneath my veins and now I don't care,
I have no luck
I don't miss it all that much
There's just so many things
That I can't touch
I'm torn

I'm all out of faith, this is how I feel
I'm cold and I am shamed
Lying naked on the floor
Illusion never changed
Into something real
I'm wide awake and I can see the perfect sky is torn
You're a little late
I'm already torn

There's nothing where he used to lie
My inspiration has run dry
That's what's goin' on
Nothing's right I'm Torn

I'm all out of faith, this is how I feel
I'm cold and I am shamed
Lying naked on the floor
Illusion never changed
Into something real
I'm wide awake and I can see the perfect sky is torn

I'm all out of faith, this is how I feel
I'm cold and I'm ashamed
Bound and broken on the floor
You're a little late
I'm already torn

Today I didn't do much but went out to visit my grandma and today is my friend's birthday so Happy Birthday Lisa!!!!! Hope she had a nice day but I couldn't go. So anyways I missed all the fun but then I had to go visit my grandma which is in a way more important because you know she's getting older and I don't want to miss spending time with her. She's really important to me. She gave me money hehe but yeah that's not why I like her though. I mean it's natural to love your grandma right. Anyways while I was there she was talking about some emotinal stuff to my father about my auntie and I was about to cry but then I had it all under control. It's all good and what they talk about is what I'm trying to say to him. Maybe he'll listen to my grandma and after all I'm just a teen. So that's it.
~Bye Bye~

Church was good today and in sunday school class some people were talking about how journals are one's deep inner thoughts. I thought about it for a second and yes in some cases but in here I don't always write everything but most of the time I don't because some of my most private inner thoughts are really private and this blog is not really a journal for me but like a history of each happenings. Each entry is something to refer back to when I need to for something but since I don't write everything in here. It kind of hard to know why exactly why I write what I write in this blog. Not that my parents or sisters read it but there are some things that I just don't want to tell people and they may hurt me inside because I don't tell but I can't tell. Life is so hard like in service today. It's true in my family what my pastor said about asian families being very wanting like straight A's and perfect work each and every single day. But he also said that God made us this certain way and in some cases you can't change it. I am glad that my life is really in His hands. Well.....that's it for today.
~Bye Bye~

I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For - U2

I have climbed highest mountain
I have run through the fields
Only to be with you
Only to be with you

I have run
I have crawled
I have scaled these city walls
These city walls
Only to be with you

But I still haven't found what I'm looking for
But I still haven't found what I'm looking for

I have kissed honey lips
Felt the healing in her fingertips
It burned like fire
This burning desire

I have spoke with the tongue of angels
I have held the hand of a devil
It was warm in the night
I was cold as a stone

But I still haven't found what I'm looking for
But I still haven't found what I'm looking for

I believe in the kingdom come
Then all the colors will bleed into one
Bleed into one
Well yes I'm still running

You broke the bonds and you
Loosed the chains
Carried the cross
Of my shame
Of my shame
You know I believed it

But I still haven't found what I'm looking for
But I still haven't found what I'm looking for
But I still haven't found what I'm looking for
But I still haven't found what I'm looking for...

Today was fun. I went out with my mom to the meeting for Daycamp leaders and it started about 9:00 till 5:00 P.M. So yeah. didn't do much in Chinatown but I was going to visit my grandma but then I wasn't so sure if she'd be home or not so I didn't go. So that's about it and Eugene gave me this books on planets and Astonomy. Thank You so much. Now I can have my little collection of them once I can get more but for now I am really glad that I have these. They have so much information inside. So thanks Eugene! I'm looking forward to tomorrow.
~Bye Bye~

So today was really hot. hehe Went out to Chinatown and Pier 39 but didn't really do much but walk around. I need some inspiration for my stories and I can't think of any while sitting at home. It's odd though because I can be sitting in a classroom at school and think of many ideas for a story but when I'm at home nothing comes to my mind. Maybe it's because I'm actually focused on getting an idea and not doing something else. Like you maybe doing something and an idea just pops into your head. It's kind of like that for me but if I try to make it happen it's probably unlikely to. So yeah nothing else has been going on. I hope that I can finish this story before the deadline and enter the contest for a chance. That's it.
~Bye Bye~

Boyz II Men with Mariah Carey
One Sweet Day

[B II M:]
Sorry I never told you
All I wanted to say
And now it's too late to hold you
'Cause you've flown away
So far away
Ayyy

[MC:]
Never had I imagined
Living without your smile
Feeling and knowing you hear me
It keeps me alive
Alive

[all:]
And I know you're shining down on me from heaven
Like so many friends we've lost along the way
And I know eventually we'll be together
[MC: Together]
One sweet day
[MC:]
Evetually I'll see you in heaven...

[B II M:]
Darling, I never showed you (I never showed you)
Assumed you'd always be there (I thought you'd always be there)
I took your presence for granted
But I always cared
([MC:] But I always cared)
And I miss the love we shared

[all:]
And I know you're shining down on me from heaven
Like so many friends we've lost along the way
And I know eventually we'll be together
[MC: Together]
One sweet day
[MC:] Evnetually I'll see you in heaven

[B II M:]
Although the sun will never shine the same
I'll always look to a brighter day
[MC:]
Yeah
Lord I know when I lay me down to sleep
You will always listen as I pray

[all:]
And I know you're shining down on me from heaven
Like so many friends we've lost along the way
And I know eventually we'll be together
[MC:] Together
One sweet day

[all:]
And I know you're shining down on me from heaven
Like so many friends we've lost along the way
And I know eventually we'll be together
[MC:] Together
One sweet day

[MC:] Sorry I never told you (oooh)
[all:] All I wanted to say


(feel so sorry for everyone who is in pain, lost someone really important to them, or hurting in any way. Know that you are in my prayers always) : )

So today was okay. did babysitting and read a lot about publishing. It is so confusing in a way and writing the story is the easy part of the whole process. Anyways at least I can understand what I need to do. Not much to say but I'm really tired so
~Bye Bye~

Today was really fun. Went to the Asian Art Musuem with my sisters,mom, and Christina and had the audio tour. It was really nice and I haven't done something like that for a while but I sort of wished that it couldv'e been only me and Christina. No offense to my sisters but It would've been better. Anyways after we went to borders and I got some books on Publishing. I finally found the title for that one book I really wanted out of all the rest but it was 300 bucks. so yeah I didn't get that but then the other one called Writer's Market was only 30 but I didn't get that one either and it wasn't because it was expensive but it was because I couldn't exactly understand anything that they try to explain in there. Though they have some good information, I couldn't understand it so I just picked out some other books that I could use. So yeah that was about it. This is a good way to start my summer with so many activities and things to do. hehe so yeah.
~Bye Bye~

today was boring in a way but I went to the library and found some books to help me publish my own and it was helpeful in way. I couldn't check them out though. Bummer which kind of meant I had to stay a long time there to read the whole thing or copy each page out of it and take it home. Hehe of course i won't copy it so I just looked for the really important stuff and used that for now. I've been trying to look for all the of the books online to buy but I've only found two of them. I can't seem to find the third one. Maybe I have the title spelled wrong. Anyways I have a lot of time to look for it. Got to go.
~Bye Bye~

So today was kind of boring. Went out to San Mateo because my father had lunch with someone and we couldn't go with him but my sisters and I had to do something else in the meantime. Hmm.........it's been a really clear skies for the last couple of nights and it's nice. I can just stay out and look up at the sky though I can't because my parents wouldn't let me. Anyways from my home you can see the light pollution of the downtown and chinatown area of San Francisco. It's a nice veiw and all but looking at all the nights and the sky on a clear night with all the lights on is like a waste of time. But a good sight to see. Not very many people can enjoy or see the sights so yeah. I'm glad ! So.........there is pretty much nothing for me to do these days and it's getting quite boring. But I"m sure when July comes there will be plenty to do. So

~Bye Bye~

Well yesterday was so much fun and I had a great time. Almost forgot to say Thank You for the ride Jennifer so Thanks. Anyways we went shoe shopping after we were finished at the church and it was funny. Haha. Anyways yeah it was a great time and today was great. Well nothing else to say. That's all it.
~Bye Bye~

All For One- I Can Love You Like That

They read you Cinderella
You hoped it would come true
That one day your prince charming
Would come rescue you
You like romantic movies
And you never will forget
The way it felt when Romeo kissed Juliet

And all this time that you've been waiting
You don't have to wait no more

1-I can love you like that
I would make you my world
Move heaven and earth if you were my girl
I would give you my heart
Be all that you need
Show you you're everything
That's precious to me
If you give me a chance
I can love you like that

I'd love you like that
I could love you like that

I never make a promise that
I don't intend to keep
So when I say forever,
Forever's what I mean
Well, I'm no Casanova but
I swear this much is true
I'll be holding nothing back
When it comes to you

You dream of love that's everlasting
Well, baby open up your eyes
(rpt 1)

If you want tenderness, I've got tenderness
And I see through to the heart of you
If you want a man, who will understand
You don't have to look very far

I can love you, I can love you, love you
(rpt 1)

read this read that. It's quite interesting. My day is very boring so nothing much to write about. Maybe tomorrow will be a better brighter day.
~Bye Bye~

I love this song.

Gloria Estefan -Everlasting Love

Hearts go astray
Leaving hearts when they go
You went away
Just when I needed you so.
Finding your way
You come back wanting me.
I'm going to stay
Loving you enlessly
Open up your eyes
Then you'll realise
Here I stand with my Everlasting love
Need you by my side
There's no need to hide
Never be denied
Everlasting love
Oh yeah my everlasting love
Look in my eyes
See my love burning strong
No more goodbyes
In yours arms I belong
Baby now hour was come
All my dreams have come true
Two hearts as one
Loving me loving you
Open up your eyes
Then you'll realise
Here I stand with my Everlasting love
Need you by my side
There's no need to hide
Never be denied Everlasting love
From the very start,
Open you'll realise
Realise the power of everlasting love
Oh yeah my everlasting love
This love will last forever,
You are my everlasting love
You are my everlsating love
Open up your eyes
Then you'll realise
Here I stand with my Everlasting love
Need you by my side
There's no need to hide
Never be denied
From the very start,
Open you'll realise
Realise the power of everlasting love
Oh yeah my everlasting love
Open up your eyes
Then you'll realise
Here I stand with my Everlasting love
Need you by my side
There's no need to hide
Never be denied.
Everlasting love

So today was my birthday and things real normal since I celebrated it yesterday. Nothing new today but I'll be going to my friend Christina's graduation later on the day and I hope that'll be fun. Anyways I am all done with my autobiography but there may be a few mistakes in there not a lot. I am so proud and well it's so great that I have put everything together. I am now working on a fictional story to enter into the delacorte press contest. I hope that it'll be a success. Anyways the title for that story is called A Girls's Dream. Not going to give out any details about that story but hopefully I'll finish it in time to send it off. So that's it.
~Bye Bye~

her graduation was really nice and I was freezing. anyways she looked nice too. I liked her speech Hehe makes me think about if I would want to write one for my graduation next year. Anyways it's late nad I'm very tired so bye bye. Oh yeah Thank You again to all the people who gave me gifts for my birthday. You know who you are!

So today I went to watch Bruce Almighty with some friends and it was nice. Also sad at the same time which kind of made me sad just thinking about it. Oh well it was fun in a way and I haven't been out like that for quite a while so it was good to go out again. The movie was good and funny. After we just went to the park in Yebra Buena and it brought back memories that just made me terribly sad but sometimes God answers only the prayers that we truly need and things all happen for a reason even though you may not want them to. So that was all for my day so
~Bye Bye~

Songs.....
Nobody Knows It But Me-Tony Rich Project

wish i had told her how i felt
maybe she'd be here right now

but instead

i pretend that im glad you went away
peaceful walks closin more everyday
and im dyin inside
and nobody knows it but me
mmm ya

like a clown i put on a show
painting it real even nobody knows
and im crying inside
and nobody knows it but me
ya mmm

why didnt i say
the things i needed to say
how could i let my angel get away
now my world is just a tumblin down
i can say it so clearly
but your no where around

the lights are long and the days are so sad
and i just keep thinking about the love that we had
and im missing you
and nobody knows it but me
mm ya mmm ya ya

caring a smile when im broken in two
and im nobody without like someone like you
and im tremblin inside
and nobody knows it but me
ya ya ya

lie awake its a quarter past 3
im screamin at night if i thought u'd leave me
ya my heart is callin you
and nobody knows it but me
baby

how good can i get
you could ask my heart
and like a jigsaw puzzle its been torn all apart
a million words couldnt say
just how i feel
a million years from now you know i'll be loving you still

the nights are long and the days are so sad
and i just keep thinking about the love that we had
and im missing you
and nobody knows it but me

ya ya oooooooo ya ooooooooooooooooooooo
nobody nobody

tomorrow morning im hitting the dusty road
gonna find you where ever
where ever you might go
and im know hold my heart
and hope you come back to me

ya say when

the nights are long and the days are so sad
and i just keep thinking about the love that we had
and im missing you
and nobody knows it but me (repeat 3x)

Today was kind of boring but I read a lot of the books that my teacher lended me. Anyways they were cool and many of the stories are familiar to me but it was nice though. Anyways I also did a jigsaw puzzle with Diane and we are no where near done but it's only been the fourth day so yeah hopefully we'll get it done. So tommorrow I'm going to the movies with some friends and maybe it'll be a good day and I hope it will be. So that's about it nothing else has happened and I still have heard from the EAOP thing for the summer and if I don't in the next couple of days I might not go to it. So yeah .
~Bye Bye~

Times are a bit boring now without school. Although I have so many books and stuff to read and learn about, it just doesn't feel right. Like there's no classroom or teacher or other students to talk to. Oh well I'm kind of glad school is out anyways. So not much to talk or say but hopefully some time this summer I'll be able to go star gazing. I really hope to it'll be so much fun with certain people that I'll bring with me. So yeah that's it.
~BYe Bye~

Church was great today. It just set my mind off of a lot of things and I was very relaxed. So it was good and I don't have much to talk about so.
~Bye Bye~

the song for now:

Fleetwood Mac - Dreams

Now here you go again
You say you want your freedom
Well who am I to keep you down
It's only right that you should
Play the way you feel it
But listen carefully to the sound
Of your loneliness
Like a heartbeat .. drives you mad
In the stillness of remembering what you had
And what you lost ...
And what you had ...
And what you lost

Thunder only happens when it's raining
Players only love you when they're playing
Say .. Women ... they will come and they will go
When the rain washes you clean .. you'll know

Now here I go again, I see the crystal visions
I keep my visions to myself
It's only me
Who wants to wrap around your dreams and ...
Have you any dreams you'd like to sell?
Dreams of loneliness ...
Like a heartbeat ... drives you mad ...
In the stillness of remembering what you had ...
And what you lost ...
And what you had ...
And what you lost

Thunder only happens when it's raining
Players only love you when they're playing
Say .. Women ... they will come and they will go
When the rain washes you clean .. you'll know

So today was okay went shopping a little and also bought some groceries. Today was very peaceful and I hope that soon I'll be able to do other things beside sit around at home for the whole time. I miss school already and thinking about death the other night it seems like a trap for me. I want to die and get over everything and just be in heaven with God but thinking about all my dreams and goals that I want to pursuit, it seems impossible and all the great things here on Earth. But I know that nothing here on Earth is great enough to prepare me for greatness of heaven so time is always something that I wonder about. Some times I have enough for everything but soemtimes I don't. For instance praying. It's a substantial thing for some people and for me too I have to do it because it keeps me growing in God's arms. Anyways those were just some thought that I have had during these couple of days and I thought of writing them down before I forget. I'm going to do some reading.
~Bye Bye~

Last day of school :'( i feel so sad that it's all going to be gone for the next few months but I'll be so occupied with other things to do. Anyways today was kind of relieving but not really. My science teacher gave me all these nice star charts and books to borrow over the summer and they are really nice. I just hope that I'll find the time to read them and have a chance to actually go somewhere and go star gazing though it might be very impossible. So yeah that was about it for today and nothing else has happened or has something anyways I can't tell you so..
~Bye Bye~

Today was fun and it took my mind off of some things which was great. Anyways I felt sad again after we got back to school but that is something you cannot know so I can't tell you. Anyways I had went swimming. I haven't gone swimming in so long but it was okay. I didn't stay in the pool long and I haven't really ate anything today so I'm not exactly feeling too well. That's all I have to say for now and maybe I'll add more later but I'll see. Anyways...
~Bye Bye~

School again was very sad today and I don't understand how someone could be your best friend and know so many stuff and not know why you might want to commit suivide. It's too odd. I don't get it. Anyways I have cried too much so I'm leaving.
~Bye Bye~

School was sad today and I don't feel like talking about it through this blog so I'll leave with a song.
~ Bye Bye ~


Toni Braxton- Unbreak My Heart

Don't leave me in all this pain
Don't leave me out in the rain
Come back and bring back my smile
Come and take these tears away
I need your arms to hold me now
The nights are so unkind
Bring back those nights when I held you beside me

1-Un-break my heart
Say you'll love me again
Un-do this hurt you caused
When you walked out the door
And walked outta my life
Un-cry these tears
I cried so many nights
Un-break my heart, my heart

Take back that sad word good-bye
Bring back the joy to my life
Don't leave me here with these tears
Come and kiss this pain away
I can't forget the day you left
Time is so unkind
And life is so cruel without you here beside me
(repeat 1)

Ohh, oh
Don't leave me in all this pain
Don't leave me out in the rain
Bring back the nights when I held you beside me
(rpt 1)

Un-break my
Un-break my heart, oh baby
Come back and say you love me
Un-break my heart
Sweet darlin'
Without you I just can't go on
Can't go on

School was okay today but I haven't gotten as much work as the teachers were saying that they would so I was pretty glad about that. I recieved my first birthday present today although I've been telling everyone ont to get me anything hehe oh well it was a small gift anyways and it's the thought that counts. I like it though it's really pretty. I have no homework for the entire week and I thought I would but I don't so I'm happy about that and NO tests. YEAH!! My pre-algebra teacher said we would have some but we don't so then that's good. I've been thinking about my birthday lately and not only what I'll be doing for it but why. It's kind of odd but I know that God puts every one of us on this planet for a reason and all but I wish I could know mine. Sometimes I'm just alone and I really wonder what's my purpose of being here. I wrote one time that for me there is no purpose but there is. If I hadn't been here, things would be so different but I could be so negative at times by saying it'll be a better world without me. I have found out that everyone makes a difference in the world and if someone was missing it doesn't make anything better nor if another person were there. So yeah part of our existence is being apart of this plan and if we screw it up then it's kind of like the world is screwed up because there is something missing in it. I'm not particuarly sure if I'm right about all the things I have said here but it's just something that I've been thinking about. So that's about it.
~Bye Bye~

Today was a fine hot day. Still reading some informatin concerning some writing contests and one in particular that is with the Delacorte Press. The same company that had published Chinese Cinderella which is the book that had inspired me. Anyways church was nice and I am very happy. Well I have to work on my submission into these contests so
~Bye Bye~