So school today was kind of upsetting in a way.  Have you ever tried to commit suicide?  Anyways I wrote a letter to myself explaining all the reasons I should and should but somehow I had more to kill then not to. Though sometimes I don't speak out about my own problems or happenings that bother me sooner or later they are just all inside me trying to break out and then it really starts to hurt.  Like now.  I talk to God so much now that my whole life is really in His hands unlike before and I tried to hide everything even though I knew that God knew.  I didn't give Him control over my life but I realize that I should have in the first place. Commiting Suicide was one of my choices and one of my reasons was that people don't care so then my friend went around school and had asked people to sign a paper saying that they do care about me and they don't want me to die.  Then everything was hectic.  Everybody was all around me and I was saying it'll be ok.  Someone had actually said that if you commit suicide you won't go to Heaven.  I'm not sure if that's true but they were giving me all these reasons that didn't seen to care to me anymore.   So now I guess that sooner or later I'll have to break out and i know that the time is now.  Though I have cut myself before, it all seems numb now when I do it.  No more pain but inside there's a great amount of it and nothing and really let it all go.
Open Arms- Journey
Lying beside you here in the dark 
Feeling your heart beat with mine 
Softly you whisper 
You're so sincere 
How could our love be so blind 
We sailed on together 
We drifted apart 
And here you are by my side 
So now I come to you with open arms 
Nothing to hide 
Believe what I say 
So here I am with open arms 
Hoping you'll see what your love means to me 
Open arms 
Living without you 
Living alone 
This empty house seems so cold 
Wanting to hold you 
Wanting you near 
How much I wanted you home 
But now that you've come back 
Turned night into day 
I need you to stay 
So now I come to you with open arms 
Nothing to hide 
Believe what I say 
So here I am with open arms 
Hoping you'll see what your love means to me 
Open arms