So school today was kind of upsetting in a way. Have you ever tried to commit suicide? Anyways I wrote a letter to myself explaining all the reasons I should and should but somehow I had more to kill then not to. Though sometimes I don't speak out about my own problems or happenings that bother me sooner or later they are just all inside me trying to break out and then it really starts to hurt. Like now. I talk to God so much now that my whole life is really in His hands unlike before and I tried to hide everything even though I knew that God knew. I didn't give Him control over my life but I realize that I should have in the first place. Commiting Suicide was one of my choices and one of my reasons was that people don't care so then my friend went around school and had asked people to sign a paper saying that they do care about me and they don't want me to die. Then everything was hectic. Everybody was all around me and I was saying it'll be ok. Someone had actually said that if you commit suicide you won't go to Heaven. I'm not sure if that's true but they were giving me all these reasons that didn't seen to care to me anymore. So now I guess that sooner or later I'll have to break out and i know that the time is now. Though I have cut myself before, it all seems numb now when I do it. No more pain but inside there's a great amount of it and nothing and really let it all go.
Open Arms- Journey
Lying beside you here in the dark
Feeling your heart beat with mine
Softly you whisper
You're so sincere
How could our love be so blind
We sailed on together
We drifted apart
And here you are by my side
So now I come to you with open arms
Nothing to hide
Believe what I say
So here I am with open arms
Hoping you'll see what your love means to me
Open arms
Living without you
Living alone
This empty house seems so cold
Wanting to hold you
Wanting you near
How much I wanted you home
But now that you've come back
Turned night into day
I need you to stay
So now I come to you with open arms
Nothing to hide
Believe what I say
So here I am with open arms
Hoping you'll see what your love means to me
Open arms