Hmm I wished I blogged more these days. There's so much to share and so much happening I can't quite keep up with everything. Sometimes I feel that the news should be written in a diary instead of shared with the whole world but at the same time I know the people who read my blog are the ones who honestly and truly care about me the most. I haven't written a decent blog post in a really long time and after rereading some of the things I wrote in the past, I can see how I've grown a lot! It's really amazing how people change and how relationships between people grow and such.
I can't believe I'm leaving for college in a month. The summer just pasted by just like that and no matter how curious and excited I am about college, everytime I think about it I also want to freeze time and remain forever 18. Stuck in a time where I know who my best friends are and having the time of life with people I love and making special memories with the ones whpo are extremely important to me. As much as I would love to stay in this time frame I am also aware of the multitude of hanges that would occur in college and therefore I look forward to all the new experiences and possibilities. I am already antipatiing some heartbreaks and situations that I will not like but it's all part of growing up isn't it.
Like for instance, I'm learning how to drive now...kind of scary I know. I still remember when I was just learning how to ride a bike and how fearful I was of it. Now I'm driving...I'm just glad that I'm still alive after training with my cousin
:D And then there's my boyfriend. A great guy but its obvious that it won't going anywhere. I just absolutely hate the fact that when its all over, the friendship tends to be different somehow like I can't witness to him anymore than I can now no matter how hard I try. To say that I will never get married is a big deal but now that I'm thinking about the future so much the question does pop up in my mind. What do I do after years of school and I get a job...I want a family I want to be able to take my kids to school and play dress up with them but that seems so far into the future and after thinking about it so much I finally realize that its not what I want that its important It's really what God wants for me. Im anxious about the future and just this past sunday we had a lesson about anxiety and it's something that I'm still learning.
This summer has been wonderful. I've gone through ups and downs that i haven't touched in a while and through these times I've realized who my frinds are and how much I am going to miss them. To be honest sometimes I doubt myself and the school that I'm attending in the fall...I just hear from too many people suhc negative thoughts about the school I get frustrated everytime. I don't know if its right anymore I cant seem to understand what God wants me to do. I know there will many many temptations and I'm scared I will fail at these trials...I don't know...growing up is so hard sometimes.

Wow so time to reflect and I mean to really reflect after all the events that have occurred over the past two/three weeks. So i graduated finally and I cried yes...i was sad to be leaving but at the same time really glad that I'm about to start another chapter of my life. I really couldn't believe it when I stood on stage collecting flowers and then passing them on to the next generation of students, wishing that I could stay longer to share experiences with them and leave memories along with advice to get through the hardships of Lowell. So anyways it was an amazingly long long graduation but we got through it after sitting through some 600 names being called. It was really great though I can't be any happier knowing that I've completely 12 years of education and now I'll be continuing at UCSB. So anyways yeah that's my spiel about graduation.
So onto the next topic, right after graduation or well more like the next day, it was my 18th birthday!! I know so many life changing events all at once...So anyways I went to watch Kung Fu Panda with some friends and then we had fondue and it was soo much fun. Then Harrison brought me up to Twin Peaks and we hung out there for a while. It was really weird like there were warm spots and cold spots up there. I was wearing shorts and didn't bring an extra change of clothing so we would walk around to all the warm spots...kind of weird but at least I wasn't freezing. So thank you sooo much for all the good birthday memories and wishes! I had a really great time.
So yep now it would June 13th and I had another thing to do...I started work today and my goodness i was pretty embarrassed because I had not waitressed before so I made so many mistakes... but over time it's gotten easier and it's pretty fun : D. Talking to the tourists that visit the restaurant is pretty fun too especially when they're from way out of town and they're here for a couple of days. The kids are pretty cute too and even though I'm sad about not being able to do daycamp, I pray that all the leaders are able to understand God's plans for them and I pray that God will give them strength and knowledge to handle all the different situations that they'll go through. So yep working has been okay.

so yeah overall summer has been okay, just "chillin" and working and making memories before starting college...kind of scared of it but hopefully it'll be okay. : D

So a lot has happened since the last time I posted, there have been ups and downs but for the most part I can say that I am thankful for everything that has happened. I have a boyfriend : D and he's the greatest. I was baptised on Easter and I'm graduating tomorrow! Yeah I know this can end up being an extremely long post.
I guess I should start by telling you about my boyfriend. He's literally a great guy and I mean that because I know he cares about me a lot. Last week we celebrate our fourth month together and yeah I can't believe that it's been so long...4 months that's a third of a year already. I'm really scared of going to college without him : ( In fact when he mentioned the possibility of switching to Santa Barbara I was excited but I knew that I couldn't ask him to do that no matter how much I wanted him to stay with me. I guess what I'm really trying to say is that I don't want to lose him even though that sounds really naive, I'm still stuck in that world...Oh and another thing I'll be 18 in a few days too...lots of things going on. So anyways back to my boyfriend, recently I guess in the midst of all the chaos we haven't been able to talk so much and I've been taking it the wrong way I guess. Or I could've just been moody...I really miss him, we don't talk like we use to and most of time, one of us is always tired so one of us falls asleep. I haven't seen him in a while ubt it just makes it harder when we don't talk or he'll phone which is always nice but the conversations seem dead...I'm worried that we;re drifting apart and its not even summer yet. Summer is coming by quick, he's going on vacation with his family to China which will be exciting but he'll be gone for two weeks...without any communication at all.
Sometimes I really don't understand how he's sick of me and at the same time I'm really puzzled at the fact that he's stayed with me for soo long. Sometimes I don't know if I'm doing the right things, saying the right things, and the mistakes make nervous...We've made so many memories together from prom to every dinner we've had together it'll definately be difficult to go to college and be away from him for so long. It's definately a test to our relationship but hopefully we'll be able to get through it.
So another thing is graduation...sad..it's been tearful if that's a word and I mean it, just thinking about it makes me sad but its something that I've been looking forward to since freshman year but now that it has creeped up on all us seniors it's a scary thing yet delightful. I know that these past four years of high school have prepared me for the future but at the same time I know that college would provide me with even more experiences so that I am more equipped to handle the world, I'm just not sure if I can take the next step, leaving behind all my family and friends. The friendships and relationships have taken too long to build up and to leave them all behind in a few months....
Hmm so next topic, 18th birthday...ahh I'm going to become legal..kind of scary taking control of my life and being in control and taking responsibilities of every aspect of my life. I'm not sure if I'm ready to grow up. I actually don't think I'm ready at all. But anyways I'm going to have a party with a few of my friends and hopefully it'll be fun. We're going to watch Kind Fu Panda and then go have chocolate fondue : )

Hmm I actually have to go now, we have graduation rehearsals today...the last day of being a senior before transitioning to a high school graduate. hmm So yeah I will continue this next time. Hopefully I'll be able to blog more in the summer since there'll be lots to talk about.

so I haven't posted up in here for a while but I suppose now I have stuff to write about. It's a new semester with new relationships with new experiences that I'm really excited about. So last weekend I went on a snow trip with Maranatha and that was really fun with the exception of some car troubles but even so everything was all good though and it was really fun. Then the new semester started...loads of work? yes unfortunately I hate to say it but I've become lazy...yeah lazy...not about everything just about hw in general. I mean there's hw that I don't mind doing but out of school...it's just hard to focus.
So yeah that's the bit about school and now I guess I have good news to share about new relationships but relationships have their problems too. This one in particular needs some help with a prayer and guidance from God : )I'm happy, in fact I haven't been so happy about someone in a long time and this seems to be really good. I just wish he wasn't missing that big C. Anyways I'm excited to see where it would lead me.
Then last but not least but certainly the most negative news...I can't help but think of this everytime something happens...this jealous part of me who wishes that she wasn't jealous but can't help myself because it's so bothersome. maybe it's bothersome because everything was stolen from me by you...My best friend at the time and things that were so precious to me...in school...maybe it's because of your confidence in everything but maybe it's just my anger...but mostly i guess i would have to say in jealousy. I have to true to myself I'm not usually the kind to be jealous but you took everything away from me in a matter of days....well from the lesson I had in church today during serice there was something mentioned about not being bitter and it's something that I have to learn. Holding this grudge wouldn't help me but instead I've realized that it hurts me. I'm just sad I've lost all those thing but at the same time I will rejoice in all the things that I have gained : )I thank God for all the things that have happened because they have helped me grow in to the person I am even though they might've not been pleasant experiences.

Finals next week...I'm concerned yes because my mind has been wandering off and on about school...I guess senioritis has hit me although it hasn't taken over my life, it definately another component that I must combat and have under control. Anyways this past week was like a prefinal week...with tests every single day except friday because it was self-scheduling. I got all the classes that I wanted so I'm satisfied, hopefully second semester I can relax a little. So after self-scheduling I hung out with a friend which was really good because I needed to destress and calm myself before finals week.
So then the weekend after finals I'm going on a snow trip with Maranatha, so it'll be fun. It'll be my first time so I'm excited.
Hmm yeah nothing new or exciting. Wish I had something more exciting to write in here but hopefully next semester when I have more time I'll post up more creative stuff...

Ahh 2008!!!

Yes this is one of those I hate life posts. where everything seems to be falling apart because of wrong words and wrong attitudes and mistakes made and the feeling that I've done something wrong but forgiveness is far from reach. Yes this is one of those posts where I complain and feel bad about myself for all the things that I've done wrong and yet have no way of making things right only because I can't. Yes this is a post where I'm angry and I'm sad and I'm just confused about what I am suppose to do.
Do I have a hard time trusting people....yes I do and why, its more of just a personal issue and bad experiences. Can I say that I'm surrounding by loving people 24/7 no I cannot say that because I do not truly believe that I do and unfortunately the truth is that I don't. Do I go around telling others of my problems....no most of the time I keep them to myself and I guess that is a reason for my loneliness but I suppose that is okay since I don't fully trust everyone around me except a few that I deem to be my friends. Sometimes I really hate myself and the things that I do but growing people have taught me to act a certain way and sometimes that has worked against me...though I wish it didn't.
I really don't know what I'm doing anymore....

Wee!!! I love winterbreak.

It's been one of the best since probably elementary school. I haven't really finished my homework yet but at the same time I'm not so much worried about it. It's been good spending time with friends and family and forming good memories. So since my last post, many things have happened. I think I ended last time with the Lee Hom concert and since then I have been addicted to his music. He really is talented and I watched Lust, Caution.....boy was that a movie that has extremely umm yeah lets not say anymore about it but I should've waited a few more years to watch it. The plot was good though, Ang Lee is such a good director. So hmm...I guess I could start with Christmas Day. I didn't do much since my dad had to work so I woke up around 10 then opened presents, didn't have many of them so it was more of asking me sisters what they got for Christmas. Then I watched TV and walked around the house till it was time to go to Seth's church for a Christmas Service. It was fun, their church was small but the people were really nice and they even gave me a ride home. Saw some of my middle school friends that I haven't seen in a long time and it was great knowing that now they know Christ too and we're all able to celebrate his birthday together. So yeah that was my Christmas.

Then yesterday I tried to do some homework but that was no success at all. I woke up really late then I attempted to do some homework and listened to a lot of LeeHom and then I spent some time watching TV and before I knew it, it was nightime...or at least it was getting dark. So yeah it was kind of a waste of a day but still it was relaxing.

Then today, I woke up extremely late and made lunch for mom and and my sister since Diane went out. Then we went into Chinatown to do some grocery shopping and pick up some other stuff. Then came home and tried to do some homework which was better than the other two days I've attempted it. Then today I watched Lust, Caution. Afterwards I decided to write all this stuff down before starting up on homework again. So I guess now that I'm done I will do some more homework.

Hope everyone had a great Christmas!!

So today was pretty exciting, with many things going on. First I went to church for a special combined Christmas service and did body worship which is always fun and uplifting. But before all that we had a gift exchange and breakfast on the fourth floor of church and that was pretty fun I got a magnetix game. Then I went to celebrate some birthdays at the children's birthday party. Afterwards I went home and rested a little before meeting up with Marissa for the Lee Hom Concert.
The Concert was pretty fun and he is soooooo incredibly talented.

So that was pretty much a summary of what happened and then during my late late dinner with Marissa we had a talk about how I was feeling because to be honest I guess I was feeling a bit down with everything that's been happening lately. Everyone is falling in love and I'm not being pressured to have a boyfriend but I guess I really want one because there is someone, its just I can't at the same time because at the moment it's all very one sided since I don't know what he feels. I don't know sometimes I feel really stupid for keep going back and forth. I know I'm not 13 anymore and I should really be more mature about situations like this but I'm not and all I can do is just pray about it and pray that I will allow God to lead me wherever he places me so that I wouldn't have to worry so much.